Of love and epiphanies
by Devoregirl
Summary: Tag to 4x16; Neal/Sara. Extended scene from the episode from Sara's POV. The fake proposal makes Sara think about her life and come to an interesting conclusion.


**A/N: I'm a huge fan of Neal and Sara and I **_**so**_** want them together. So I had to write this. A huge thank you to Syed Amir for the prompt.**

**DISCLAIMER: As always, I do not own White Collar. Unfortunately for me, this means that I rather obviously don't own Neal. Sigh. **

**This story is unbetaed. All mistakes are mine. Please feel free to point them out.**

Neal Caffrey was an amazing man; anyone with half a brain could see that. Not only was he drop-dead gorgeous, he was also brilliant. It was the combination of these two traits that had initially drawn Sara Ellis towards him. True, at first she had been after him for reasons entirely different to the ones at present, the stolen Raphael to be precise. But the fact that she found his intelligence extremely alluring had been true since he had first come on her radar.

His genius made itself known to her once again at the top of the Empire State Building as he used a perfectly innocent combination of random and unrelated objects to create a tiny blimp to send the evidence box sailing across the sky. He lived in the clouds; she had not been exaggerating when she had told him that a year ago.

And she didn't. She was had always been a realistic, no-nonsense woman. She loved the excitement, the adventure that came along with being associated with Neal Caffrey, of course she did. But she was, at the end of the day, a practical woman.

He was the only man to make her heart ache for listening to her brain, but she had the offer of a lifetime. To run a branch of Sterling Boche in London. It was too good a chance to give up.

So why did she feel like she was making the biggest mistake of her life?

She had been able to ignore the twisting feeling in her gut as she made it through customs; but now, settling down for the never-ending wait, her thoughts began to plague her mind again.

Sara had been expecting him to put up a fight about her new job, but he had been so wonderful about her moving away. He had encouraged her, helped her pack. He had even ensured that she got a good deal for her apartment, though she wasn't supposed to know that. She smiled to herself as she remembered the weeks she had spent over at his studio apartment, waking up to strong arms wrapped around her waist. The absolutely delicious dinners; Neal was a fantastic cook and he had insisted on showing off his culinary skills as often as possible.

When he had proposed to her, she had felt … what had she felt, exactly? She pondered for a while, twirling a strand of her hair that had escaped from her up do. Elated? Cherished? Maybe even loved? She knew that it was a con and that she wasn't actually agreeing to marry him, but she had treasured that moment nonetheless. After all, he had never proposed to anyone before, not for a con or for real. Not even Kate. Neal had told her that he had meant what he said and she knew she was dangerously close to falling in love with the con man. So she had ignored her heart and let her mind guide her.

He had done a toast to 'Another time, another place.' And she had corrected him; 'To another us.' She saw the hope leave his eyes as she told him in no uncertain terms that that they wouldn't work. It was more that they_ couldn't _work, rather. It would be another year till he got off his anklet and a lot could happen in one year. She would be fooling herself if she believed that he would leave New York. Well, he might permanently shift to London when he was free, but she couldn't let him do that. Not for her. Not when the family and friendships he had worked so hard for were there. She cared for him too much to make him choose between the two.

And that, she realized, was part of the problem. She had been wrong. There was no danger of falling in love with Neal because she was already in love with him. Another epiphany hit her then. She had subconsciously planned a life with him. Two kids, a boy and a girl. Conrad and Connie. Oh, dear God! That was the crux of her problem, she realized. She wanted very much to let her heart lead her forward, but her head wouldn't let her. She always had a problem with commitment, something that was undoubtedly an affect of her sister leaving her.

For the first time she really wished that she hadn't gotten the job offer. She wouldn't have to choose between Neal and London. Wait- what? She _wouldn't _have to choose. Present tense. Damn it .Today seemed to be the day when she made all her life decisions, apparently. This was such a dilemma, she fumed. Expect Neal to create trouble even when he wasn't there.

She would have to choose, she came to the daunting conclusion. What would she rather live without? London or Neal? On one hand, this would make her career sky-rocket. On the other hand, what was the point of a successful career if you had no one to share it with? Neal, though un-predictable as hell was in fact the only person who could make her even consider not taking up this offer. He clearly cared for her, that much was obvious. She needed to think this through; this decision would affect her entire life. Whatever she chose, she could not regret not choosing the other. She would take the next few days in London to make up her mind. Or so she thought.

The ringing of her cell phone made that decision for her.

Neal's stunned voice answered her hello. "James killed the Senator with Peter's gun. The bureau had arrested Peter for it."

She didn't even have to think twice as she grabbed her purse and replied.

"I'll be home in an hour."

**A/N: Thank you for reading. It was a bit weird for me writing this and it kinda went in a completely different direction than I had originally planned. Feedback is much appreciated: )**


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